Kids are creeeeeeeeeeepy

Hannah, as I was writing something on the calendar: Momma! JUST WHAT do you think you are DOING!?

Me: That's not how you talk to me.

Hannah: WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING MAMMA!?

Me: Hannah, stop yelling, and stop talking to me like that...it's very rude.

Hannah: Oh. Sorry. *very sweetly, while smiling* Oh Mommy? Just what do you think you are doing?

Me: *sigh* I'm writing on the calendar. Go play on the computer or something weirdo.

Future Female President

Hannah: Mommy, who's that?
Me: Who's who?
Hannah: That on the TV.
Me: Oh that's Nancy Pelosi...she's the Speaker of the House.
Hannah: Is she a semator?
Me: No, she's a congresswoman...she's in the house of representatives...it's kinda like a Senator though.
Hannah: Oh. I think she's nice.
Me: Yeah, she's pretty cool.
Hannah: And who's that guy?
Me: That's Barney Frank, he's a congressman from Massachusetts.
Hannah: Is he a nice guy?
Me: Yeah, he's pretty nice.
Hannah: But not John McCain, he's naughty.

It's all true, what you say

Hannah has been practicing pluralization lately, well, that and rhyming. Anyway, she's been practicing the plurals of words where the plural isn't just adding an "s" at the end. So she'll say, "Mama! There's one mouse, and two mice! There's one goose, or two geese!" She's doing quite well, if I do say so myself.

The other day, in the car, she pipes up from the backseat with, "Mama! There's one child or two chi-chi-chi....children!" I was very impressed, and told her such. Then came, "And sometimes children are called honeys! One honey, or two honeys!"

I didn't tell her that there was once a time when I was occasionally referred to as "a honey"...it didn't seem relevant.

A letter to Daddy

Dear Daddy,

I love you Daddy Too! I want a hug please! Can I have kisses please!? I miss you so much! I love you more than rabbits! I love rabbits! Please can I play with you? May I have exercises with you when you get home?

I want to tell you a story about a hat. I love hats. It's about a girl with a hat on her. One day the hat falls in the river. Then one day, she went in, swim, swim, swim, swim, swim, swim, swim, and got the hat and put it back on her head! Then one day, she fell in the river, then she climbed back on the porch. Then one day, the porch broke in pieces! Then the broken pieces fell in the river! Then a flower growed and growed and growed and growed! Then the flower fell apart in pieces and looked very beautiful! Then the sun and the moon fell down into the river in pieces! That's the end.

Love, Hannah

Ways to keep guests from leaving (or ever coming back)

Joy was about to head home for the evening as Hannah was going to bed.

Hannah: I don't want you to go, I'll miss you!
Joy: I'll miss you too, but I'll come again sometime!
Hannah: But, but, you can't go!
Joy: I have to go, but we'll visit again soon!
Hannah: I think you can't go because your house is on fire.

*sigh*

Ideas for new pizza toppings

Joy, Hannah, and I went out for Greek pizza. Mid slice, Hannah asks what is on it.

Me: Oh, well, it has Feta cheese, scallions, dill, mozzarella cheese, and olive oil!
Hannah: And pickles!
Me: Pickles? No, no pickles...
Hannah: Lotsarelish cheese is my favorite!

Which one of us is the mom here?

Hannah: Mommy? What are you doing?
Me: Looking for my brown pants.
Hannah: Your brown pants?
Me: Yes, I washed them yesterday, and now I can't find them.
Hannah: hmmm, and you want to wear them to your work?
Me: Yes, but I don't know where they are.
Hannah: You can't find them?
Me: Nope...but they have to be around here somewhere!
Hannah: Oh. Well, I guess you'll just have to wear something else.

You and me both kiddo

"Mama? I think there's something wrong with you."

Overheard on the baby monitor

"Hey bear! Why are you kicking yourself? Why are you kicking yourself? Are you mad at yourself? Are you? Are you mad at yourself? Why are you kicking yourself?"

This went on for at least 15 minutes. I'm a bad mother.

Oh sugah!

My kid is sounding more like an old southern woman by the day...I have no idea why. At a restaurant the other night, we were eating dinner and this kid at the table next to us dropped his cookie on the floor and it broke. Hannah perked up, made a swatting motion with her hand and loudly declared at the boy, "Don't worry honey, that happens sometimes!"

His mom and I just about lost it.

Daddy Letter #2

Dear Daddy,

I love you Daddy. I went to the Aquarium. I sawed seals! I saw penguins! I sawed jellyfish! I sawed Myrtle the Turtle! I sawed a ray! I ride on the train - I ride on the orange train and then the blue train!

I want to tell you a story about aquariums. One day, there was an aquarium. One day something happened to this balloon and then the sun camed out and that's the story. Was that a good story?

Love,

Hannah

*She drew a picture of a blue balloon on this one.

Hannah's first letter to her dad

Hannah's dad started basic training a couple of weeks ago. Below is a transcript of her first letter to him, haha.

"Dear Daddy,

I love you Daddy. Today I went to the mall and I rode on a spaceship. I got my hair cut. I made fall decorations with Mommy. I want to tell you a story about a monster. Once upon a time there was an old monster and she said "Rarrrr!" Then she knocked on the door and there was a ladybug with a flower on her. That's the story. There are no more stories left.

Love, Hannah"

She traced a picture of a brontosaurus on the bottom.

ohhhh, it's new

Hannah: "Hey Mommy...you know what my favorite kind of dinosaur is?"
Me: "No, what?"
Hannah: "A lion."
Me: "haha, well, a lion isn't a dinosaur sweetie."
Hannah: "Oh yeah? Well, you know what my favorite kind of dinosaur is?"
Me: "No, what is it?"
Hannah: "My favorite kind of dinosaur is a new kind of dinosaur and it's called a lion dinosaur."

Yeah, that's about right

"Hey Mama, watch this!"

Hannah proceeds to do some crazy baby pseudo break-dance move, then stands back up, beaming.

"Can you do that?"

"Nope, I'm afraid Mommy just can't do that honey, haha."

"Oh. Cause you're old?"

"Yup."

I've never felt so bad about a fly

Hannah just came into my office with her hands held out and a small dead housefly displayed:

Hannah: Mommy? This fly got a little bit hurt on his wings.
Me: Yes, he did. That's too bad, but I think maybe we should go put him in the trashcan.
Hannah: Oh...yeah. That's cause he got a little bit dead, huh?
Me: Yeah...that happens sometimes. Flies don't live very long like people do.

Hannah brings him out to the kitchen and pauses in front of the trashcan.

Hannah: Mommy? I don't think this fly wants to go in the trashcan. I think he wants to go to his home.
Me: Yeah...ok baby, let's put him outside.

I still think the moon follows me

On the ride home from a friend's house tonight:

"Mommy...why are the stars all driving with us?"

And that's the way we do it.

Me: Hannah, you're my favorite girl.
Hannah: I am!? You're my favorite girl too Mama.
Me: Yeah? Well I think you're the bees knees.
Hannah: hahaha, I am the bees knees, you're right! And I think YOU are the cat's pajamas!
Me: Oh yeah? Well, I think YOU are one coooool cat!
Hannah: Oh yeah!? You do!? Well I think YOUUUU are one coool BEE!

This just in: You needn't fear the sharks

Hannah and her Dad were playing a game in which his bed was a boat and there were sharks about. They were jumping up and down and protecting one another from the shark invasion. Her Dad got a little too into it for her tastes and was "panicking" a bit too much...yelling and whatnot. When he fell on to the bed, Hannah crawled over to him and put her hands on each of his cheeks and stared into his eyes:

"Daddy! Listen to my words! The. Sharks. Are. Friendly!"

At least she didn't slap him!

On growing up...

Me: Hey Hannah, I think these sneakers are getting a little small...we better put the bigger ones on now.
Hannah: Yeah! Those sneakers are for BABIES! I'm getting bigger and I'm going to be a big girl and be all grown up and have big feet and then I can chew gum!
Me: Gum? Yeah, I guess...
Hannah: Yup, and I'll be a big sister!
Me: You think so eh? You'll be a big sister? Would you like that?
Hannah: Yup! I'll have a little brother and sister...but I'll carry them around.
Me: You'll carry them around you think? Well, that can be pretty hard work.
Hannah: I'll take care of them Mama, I'll be careful.

:)

Mission Dirty Hippy nearing completion

Hannah's Dad was wearing his Army uniform yesterday upon return from drill. Hannah looked him over...

Hannah: Why you wearing new clothes?
Hannah's Dad: These are for Daddy's new job!
Hannah: Oh.

A few seconds of staring goes by.

Hannah: I don't like those clothes.
Hannah's Dad: Oh? Why not?
Hannah: hmm...they're too fancy.
Hannah's Dad: haha, you think my clothes are too fancy?
Hannah: Yeah...they're too fancy I think a little bit.

Quotes from the zoo

"Let's go see another animal"
"Let's go see another animal"
"Let's go see another animal"
"Let's go see another animal"
"I want you to pick me up"
"Let's go see another animal"
"Let's go see another animal"
"I'm tired"
"Let's go see another animal"
"I want to ride on that train"
Once on the train ride, she cries until they stop it, then she continues to cry for a couple minutes while repeating that she doesn't like that train ride.

That night, as I tucked her into bed, I asked her what her favorite part of the zoo was.

"That train ride was my favorite, maybe we can go again tomorrow."

Well...you thought wrong, monkey

On the way home yesterday:

Hannah: I'm hungry
Me: Well, what do you want for dinner?
Hannah: ummm, I think I want cheese
Me: Sorry baby, we don't have any cheese. What else would you like?
Hannah: But I thought we did have cheese.
Me: Well, we don't!
Hannah: But I thought we did I said.
Me: I'll get some next time I go shopping. Do you want a sandwich?
Hannah: I think we have some cheese.
Me: Nope. No cheese.
Hannah: Oh. ummm...I thought we did.
Me: I'm never feeding you again.
Hannah: But I want some food!
Me: Well what do you want then!?
Hannah: ummm, I don't think we have any cheese. We need to get some at the store.
Me: Yup.
Hannah: Can I have a tomato?
Me: Sure.

We have to stop calling her these things

In the bath:

Hannah: Look mama, I'm a scuba diver! *she puts a finger up next to her head like a snorkel*
Me: Wow, are you scuba diving or are you snorkeling!?
Hannah: *brow furrows* I'm uhhh, uhhhh....
Me: Do you know what a snorkel is?
Hannah: ....
Me: Can you say snorkel?
Hannah: *pause* Can you say precocious mama? Say precocious first!

Well...thanks....

Last night, after finishing dinner out at the picnic table, I asked Hannah if she wanted to play outside for a while.

Hannah: Yeah...I'll play in my sandbox for aWHILE.
Me: Ok!
Hannah: What are you gonna do Mama?
Me: I'm not sure yet.
Hannah: Oh! Hmmmm...well...hmmm....you can mow the lawn if you want to!
Me: *sigh* Yeah...ok.

She's a mean chef

Hannah: Here Mama, I made you dinner
Me: Oh good, what is it?!
Hannah: It's some slime!
Me: But...I don't want to eat slime.
Hannah: Oh, well, it's slime and it'll hurt your teeth cause it's sugary!
Me: But I don't want to eat slime or have hurt teeth!
Hannah: *thinking* then: Ohhhh...well it's, hmmm, it's *big grin* it's CHICKEN NUGGETS!
Me: Oh, I love chicken nuggets!

Make believe eating progresses under Hannah's watchful, three year and two month old eyes.

Hannah: Do you like it?
Me: Yes, it's very yummy!
Hannah: Oh...well it was just slime.

I feel your pain

After a long day of running around Portland, Hannah was being strapped into her carseat.

Hannah: "I have a problem."
The Boy: "Oh? What's that?"
Hannah: "My problem is called tired."


It runs in the family kiddo.

I may have misheard her...

...but I swear Hannah just told me that one of her toy penguins is named "Coldtrain".

Hannah is growing into an old Southern woman

Overheard while Hannah played in the sandbox.

"Oh are you my child? Are you my baby child? You are just a baby child and I am your mama! Don't worry baby child, I got you. You're safe with me."

30 seconds later...

"Momma! Momma, you're in a cage! Look out for the shark Mama! Don't worry, Hannah has you, I'm your child!"

It should be noted that she was playing with matchbox cars and a bucket.

Hannah had a good birthday

Hannah turned 3 on Monday, though she claims she turned 14. She also says her preschool teacher is only 2, like me.

My favorite part of her description of her birthday, after the ride on her new tricycle, her presents, her birthday song, her card, her meal at Bugaboo Creek with the talking animals while she wore her princess dress, hat, and slippers was, "I went to Bugaboo Creep and ate ice cream!"

Right on kiddo, we know what's important!

Big girl underpants

Hannah is trying out underpants during specific time periods in an effort to move along her potty training. Yesterday, I took her to Target to pick out some because those that I had for her were now too small. We discussed this yesterday morning:

Hannah: I want to wear underpants.
Mom: I know baby, but the ones we have are too small. We'll go to the store later and you can pick out some new underpants all by yourself!
Hannah: Those underpants are too small! Those are for babies!
Mom: Yup! We need to get you some big girl underpants!
Hannah: Yeah. Those underpants are too small for my bottom.
Mom: haha, yes they are.
Hannah: I need bigger underpants for my bottom. My bottom is big like yours!

I could take this as an insult, but I'm choosing to take it as a compliment that she thinks I could fit into size 6T underwear.

Lunch at Daddy's

Hannah's dad just sent me this:

Hannah's eating her lunch;

Hannah - "Daddy! There's no ham in this sammich!"
Me - "That's because you ate it already"
Hannah - "Yeah I did!"
Hannah laughs maniacally
Hannah - "That was funny!"

A minute later;

Hannah - "Daddy, look! There's no ham in this piece of sammich! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

Your child is a fruit cake.

And I thought I was in a good mood today.

Me: Are you drawing a picture of me?
Hannah: Yeah *scribble scribble* there!
Me: Well that doesn't look very much like me.
Hannah: It's your hair!
Me: Oh! Well are you going to draw the rest of me?
Hannah: Yeah...here are your eyes *dot dot*...see, you look grouchy.
Me: Why do I look grouchy?
Hannah: Cause you arrrre grouchy.
Me: You think I'm grouchy?
Hannah: Yeah.

/shrug

101 Foundations

This morning, as Hannah watched me put on makeup:

Hannah: What's that called?
Me: This is makeup.
Hannah: No, what kind is it, what's it called?
Me: Oh! Well it's foundation.
Hannah: Oh...ohhhh...like the doggies!
Me: What?
Hannah: It's like the doggies makeup!
Me: What doggies?
Hannah: All the doggies with the puppies makups!
Me: OH! Nonono, this is *foundation*, not *dalmations*. DALmations are dogs, FOUNDation is makeup.
Hannah: haha, foundations go woof woof!

I know I've been slacking, but now there is a Dragon Epidemic

In the car on the way to work this morning:

Hannah: Daddy, I fought a dragon!
Hannah's Daddy: Oh really!?
Hannah: Yeah, and I beat him and was in his mouth!
Hannah's Daddy: Well how did you beat him if you were in his mouth? That doesn't sound like a good way to win!
Hannah: Yeah, well, I grabbed his tongue and pulled on it and MESSED HIM UP!


My kid is the awesomest and she's not even three yet.

I know I've gained a few pounds, but have mercy.

"Come on Hannah, it's time to get dressed."
"I don't want to wear clothes, I want to wear pajamas"
"Well we don't wear pajamas to school...come get dressed."
"I don't want to wear jeans today."
"Well what do you want to wear?"
"ummmm...hmmm...I want to wear Mommy's clothes"
"Mommy's clothes don't fit you, they're too big."
"You're too big?"
"*sigh* Yes, I suppose, but I'm working on it."
"You're a big girl!"
"Thanks sweetie."

Things you didn't know about Cinderella

Hannah has a scratch on her nose. It started out small, but she keeps scratching it. I've tried keeping her fingernails clipped and telling her to leave it alone, but no luck. So, this morning, I broke down and acquieced to her demand for a bandaid. She now has a lovely hello kitty bandaid across the bridge of her nose.

"Mama! You got this kitty bandaid for me!?"
"Yes, now leave it alone."
"I have a bandaid, just like a princess!"
"What princess has a bandaid?"
"Cinderella has a bandaid?"
"She does? I don't think I've ever seen that...when does she wear a bandaid?"
*pause*
"Sometimes!"

False accusations

I sat down next to Hannah on the couch this morning and bumped her.

Hannah: "Mama! You kicked me!"
Me: "No I didn't...kicking is when someone hits you with their foot."
Hannah: *thinking* "oh...you kicked me with your bum!"

Quote for January 24th

When I was putting Hannah to bed last night, I said, "Sweet dreams!" which is something I don't normally say.

Hannah: "What?"
Me: "I said, Sweet Dreams baby!"
Hannah: "What sweet dreams?"
Me: "That means that I hope you have good dreams when you sleep."
Hannah: "Why?"
Me: "Because it's nice to have good dreams."
Hannah: "oh......why?"
Me: "Go to sleep Hannah"
Hannah: "Ok mama, sweep dreams!"

I'm slacking...

...but it is, in a large part, because Hannah's been hanging out with her dad and grandparents and I haven't gotten many good quotes lately. So, I'll add a few that will have to count as a sampling of the last week...

1. "Mommy! It's 7:30?" "yes baby" "It's time for Jeopardy!?" "it sure is!" "oh! It's quiet time?!"

2. "Mommy! Jeopardy is all done?" "yup!" "YAY! IT'S TALKING TIME!!!"

3. "Mommy, I'm a silly piggy. hahhaa, no I'm not, I was teasing you! I'm just an owl! WHOO-WHOO!"

4. "That snow's not pretty! It's dirty! It's yucky! Don't put that in your mouth, it makes Hannah's sick!"

5. "Mommy! Those friends are cannibals!" *She was watching toy story and some of the toys were referred to as "cannibals", but it took me a minute to figure out what she was talking about, haha.

Grocery shopping is such a joy...

I informed Hannah that we will be going to the grocery store this evening after she get done at school. The grocery store is apparently akin to Disney World in the mind of a 2 year old, so she's very excited.

Hannah: We'll go to the grocery store, and I'll ride in a green car, and have a cookie!?
Me: Yup! And we'll buy lots of fruit, and vegetables, and milk!
Hannah: And we'll go see the MOBSTERS!!!
Me: Yes, of course.


Mobsters are lobsters. We are from Maine after all, so it's entirely possible that the lobsters are actually running everything from behind the scenes. Nothing would surprise me at this point.

Retroactive funny

Tuesday's quote comes from Hannah's dad. He told her that her grandmother and grandfather from England will be coming to see her (this weekend actually).

Dad: Gramma and Grampa are coming all the way from England to see you!
Hannah: I want to go to England! *pause* I want to go to England to see Santa and the reindeer!



We've clearly had a miscommunication somewhere.

Your guess is as good as mine

On the way home from daycare, while trying to plan dinner:

Me: So Hannah, what did you have for lunch today?
Hannah: hmmmm....hmmmm....hmmm...
Hannah's Daddy: Do you remember what you ate before your nap?
Hannah: hmmmm...maybe...maybe...hmmm...maybeeeeee cereal?
Hannah's Daddy: I think that's what you had for breakfast, do you remember what you ate for lunch?
Hannah: maybe...hmmm....maybe cheese?

Something on your mind darling?

Hannah was evidently contemplating when I called this evening:

Hannah: Mama?
Me: Hi baby! What are you doing?
Hannah: Brett has a peanut (Brett is one of her little friends from preschool).
Me: *pause* Do you mean a penis?
Hannah: NOO, a PEANUT!
Me: Oh! Well that's ok, right?
Hannah: hmmm...sure.

She didn't sound particularly certain.

Saturday's quote!

Hannah's at her Dad's this weekend. During one of our phone calls yesterday, she decided to gather some information to determine whether or not I had a reasonable excuse for my absence.

"Mama? What did you do today?"
"Well, I've been busy cleaning."
"Did you have a meeting? Did you visit FRIENDS?!"
"Well, no, not really, I've just been cleaning."
"Oh. You will come visit me later."
"I'll come visit you on Monday! I'll come pick you up and give you a ride to school!"
"Oh. *pause* I want cookies."

She's learning guilt-blackmail I see.

Going from yesterday...

On the way to preschool this morning, I declared that I love her more than Yellow.

Hannah: I love you more than GREEN!
Me: Oh! Well I really love Green too!
Hannah: No! I like green!
Me: Oh! Well alright then. Hey Hannah?
Hannah: *grunt*
Me: I love you Hannah!
Hannah: NO! I'M GREEN!


I'm not sure which of us is more confused.

And she really likes bread, too.

"Mama, I love you more than bread!"

She likes me ok...

I was getting Hannah dressed this morning when she looked up at me, smiled sweetly, and put her hand on my face and said, "Mummy, you're my nice girl."

That was nearly too much to take on a crazy morning.

Quote for January 8th...

"Mummy, I'm runnin!"
"Mummy, I'm runnin!"
"Mummy, I'm runnin!"
*crash*
"Mummy, I fell down, didn't I!?"
"Don't worry Mummy, I'm ok, I'm ok, silly Hannah...I don't need a bandaid!"

Yesterday's quote

Hannah was not in the mood to go to bed last night. I convinced her that she must go to bed because her new stuffed Shrek doll was waiting for her upstairs and he was lonely. She proceeded to climb the stairs calling out, "I'm coming Shrek! I'm coming! Don't worry Shrek, wait for me! It will be ok!" I felt a little bad, but it was funny.

When we got to her room she climbed into bed and hugged him and said, "Don't worry Shrek, I'm here now" and then patted him on the belly and quietly whispered, "I'm so proud of you Shrek."

I may die of cute overload one of these days.

Let's try a new movie...

So Hannah asked if she could watch my dvd of The Last Unicorn that I received for Christmas. I think it *may* be a little scary at times, but no worse than the other Disney movies she likes and certainly less violent than some. Anyway, I was putting it into the DVD player...

Me: Ok, you can watch this, but if it gets too scary, you tell mommy and we'll watch something else, ok?
Hannah: It's not too scary mommy!
Me: Well if it GETS too scary, just tell me ok?
Hannah: Ok mommy. *she pauses to consider for a moment, then looks up at me and pats my leg* Let's not have it be scary Mamma, let's have it just be beautiful, ok?

She kills me sometimes.

Hands are tricky

Hannah had just announced that she was done with her oatmeal. I took her bowl away and was wetting a washcloth at the sink.

Hannah: "What are you doing Mama?"
Me: "I'm getting a washcloth wet so I can wash your hands."

Hannah puts one of her hands in front of her face and scowls at it. She points at it, then begins poking it with her other hand like a drill sergeant and says, "Hey! Hand! I just cleaned you didn't I?!" After examining it further and finding more oatmeal between her fingers, she states, "You're all sticky! That's naughty!"

*sigh* This isn't some sequel to that Alfred Hitchcock story I hope.

The sunrise was pink

Hannah: "Mama! Look at the pink!"
Me: "Yes, it's the sunrise Hannah...sometimes it turns the sky pink!"
Hannah: "Ohhhh, it's pretty"

*a few minutes later*

Hannah: "Mama! The sky is yellow! Where is the pink?"
Me: "Well, the sky changes colors as the sun rises...now it's yellow because it's closer to day!"
Hannah: "Ohhh, that's because the world has all of the colors, right Mama?"

Backtracking - January 3rd, 2008

I was tucking Hannah into bed and accidentally poked her in the eye.

Hannah: "Mama! You poked my eye!"
Me: "Oh! Are you ok?"
Hannah: "Yeah...I'm ok. *pause* You need to say sorry to me!"
Me: "Oh! I'm sorry baby!"
Hannah: "That's ok Mama, I'm ok. *pause* Good job Mama!"
Me: "Good job for what?"
Hannah: "Good job for saying sorry to me!"

She's working on my manners.

Backtracking - January 2nd, 2008

Driving home -

Hannah: "Mama! Look out! There's a car chasing us!"
Me: "Oh no! I'm terribly frightened!"
Hannah: "Oh don't worry Mama, it's just a car! You're safe with me! It's ok, it's ok Mama!"

She's my protector.

Backtracking - January 1st, 2008

Hannah was at her dads...I called her on the phone:

Hannah: "Hi Mama! I went to Old McDonalds and I went down the slide!"
Me: "Oh good! Did you have a fun time?"
Hannah: "Yup, bye. Here you go Daddy!"

Short and sweet and to the point I guess.

The name of the blog says it all

I can't keep track of all the funny crap my kid says, so this blog is for funny quotes. I'll try to get one for every day, but that seems like pushing it - I'm a busy girl.