Judge not, lest ye...

Ok, so we got home kinda late last night and were rushing to get our stuff in the house and into bed. I send Hannah upstairs to get her pj's on. A few minutes later, I hear one of the worst things I've ever heard:

"Mamma? I don't have any more diapers."

I think to myself, ok, this just cannot be. There are like three emergency bags of items in this house, diaper bags, etc. I spend the next several minutes examining every nook and cranny and bag and storage container that had any potential. I finally realized that yes, it's 9:30pm, I've told Hannah we can have a slumber party in Mommy's bed, and she has absolutely no diapers. I can't go to the store at this hour and anyway, Hannah's naked and looking at me like I'm an alien.

I start combing through all my medical supplies when I come across a extra-super absorbancy menstrual pad that was likely given to me at the hospital when I had her. For half a second I'm thrilled, then suddenly horrified, then just unsure. Will this work? Will she know that I'm up to something?

"Hey Hannah, for tonight you can wear underpants with this kind of diaper and we'll go get you some more of your kind of diaper tomorrow!"
"I can wear underpants to bed!? Like a big girl!?"
"Yes, just for tonight, and we'll keep working on getting you up to use the potty at night so you can start wearing them all the time soon!"
"YES! I can't wait to tell all my friends at school tomorrow that I got to wear a special diaper that goes in my underpants!"
"Uh...uh...uh...well, um...well...uh...maybe we shouldn't tell your friends. They might feel bad that they didn't get to use one."
"Oh yeah, cause they're just little."
"Right-o."

On Goal Setting

Yesterday afternoon, when picking Hannah up from preschool:

Me: Hey baby, how was your day today?
Hannah: Great! I didn't bite anyone or push anyone, or anything!
Me: Wonderful!

Maybe I set my own standards too high.

On tattoos....

Hannah: Mamma, can I have a tattoo after my bath tonight?
Me: If you're good! What kind are you going to get? We have superman and spongebob.
Hannah: Hmmm, I think maybe spongebob...maybe Patrick!
Me: Ok, where are you going to get it?
Hannah: hmmm, maybe on my bum.
Me: No, I don't think so, you wouldn't be able to see it on your bum.
Hannah: hmmm, well maybe on my back then.
Me: *sigh* You won't be able to see it on your back either.
Hannah: I KNOW! I'LL GET TWO TATTOOS ON MY BUM!
Me: Ok, one tattoo only, and not on your bum. I shouldn't have to worry about bum tattoos for at least another 15-16 years.
Hannah: Huh? When I'm all grown up I can get a tattoo on my bum.
Me: Yeah, I suppose, if you really want to.
Hannah: I do!
Me: and what sort of tattoo do you think you'll be getting on your bum when you're all grown up?
Hannah: hmmm...I think maybe Spongebob...or BARBIE!
Me: uh-huh. You know grown up tattoos don't wash off. You'd be stuck with Barbie on your bum forever.
Hannah: Oh. That's ok, I think I'll just get a submarine maybe.

The budding reindeer expert

Me: Hannah, it's only one week until Christmas Eve!
Hannah: I KNOW THAT!
Me: Oh, well alright then.
Hannah: And we'll make cookies for Santa, and leave carrots for the reindeer.
Me: Yup! Then when you wake up on Christmas morning, you can come wake us up and we'll go downstairs and see if Santa came!
Hannah: Yup, we'll go outside and check for tracks.
Me: What?
Hannah: We'll go outside and see if there are sleigh tracks and deer tracks.
Me: Well, I meant that we'd go see if Santa left you anything under the tree...that how we'll know if he came.
Hannah: Yeah, I KNOW that...that and the deer tracks.
Me: I'm pretty sure that Santa and the reindeer land on the roof...so we won't be able to see any tracks honey.
Hannah: No...they land on the lawn and go across it and then the reindeer jump really hard and pull the sleigh up to the roof. So we'll see those tracks.
Me: I think they just fly around and land on the roof.
Hannah: No, that's silly. Deer can't fly, they can just jump hard.

Misheard lyrics of a four year old.

She's been singing in the car a lot lately...my favorites:

To the tune of "This is Halloween" from the Nightmare Before Christmas:

"This is celery, this is celery, CELERY, CELERY, CELERY!"

Me: Umm, sweetie, that's a great song there but they're actually saying, "this is Halloween".
Hannah: Halloween? Oh, cause it's a Halloween land.
Me: Yup!
Hannah: Well that's good, but in Celery land, they sing THIS IS CELERY! THIS IS CELERY!
Me: Sure, probably.


A few days later, while listening to "Have a Holly Jolly Christmas" in the car:

Hannah: Oh ho, the mistletoe, hung where you can see! Somebody waits for you! Wizard once for me!
Me: Kiss her.
Hannah: What!?
Me: He's saying, "Somebody waits for you, KISS HER once for me," not "wizard once for me"
Hannah: Oh, can you play it again?
Me: Sure.

A few seconds later...

Hannah: No, he's saying "wizard."
Me: That doesn't even make any sense.
Hannah: Like magic.
Me: fine.

The past tense of smelly

This morning, while getting ready for school/work, Hannah was playing with her plastic dinosaur set. They were engaged in a battle and as one or another dinosaur was slain, it was put back into the box (my idea, rather brilliant). As the box began to fill up, I noticed Hannah sniff it and exclaim "eww, pee-youuuuu". Curious, I asked, "does something smell?"

"Yeah, all these dead dinosaurs!"
"They smell? Why do they smell?"
"Cause they're dead!"

Thinking this to be somewhat morbid for a four year old, I ask where she heard that something dead would be smelly.

"At school."
"They told you that dead dinosaurs smell bad at school?"
"Yeah, they're extinct!"

This takes me 3 or 4 seconds.

"Hannah, something being extinct doesn't mean it smells bad...it means there are no more of them left, that they're all dead."

"Oh...I thought the dead dinosaurs were stinky."

So I'm bad at blogging...

...I'm busy hanging out with my ridiculously awesome kid, get over it!

Fun things that have happened lately, Hannah style:

July: Whilst purchasing a new car, Hannah waits in the waiting room with boyfriend and proceeds to launch a faux attack of biting on him in front of the rest of the waiting people. When asked what she was doing, she told him she was a deer. When pressed as to why a deer would be biting him, she announced loudly that it's the kind of deer that drinks blood, and not to worry, that soon she would put it back in him so he can be alive again.

Ahh, to be four.

More recently: A couple weeks ago, I checked on her in the bathtub and asked how things were going. She was busily playing with a set of floating penguins. She said everything is fine, and that the penguins are her family now. I think I said something along the lines of "oh?", to which she replied, solemnly, "yes, but they're all dead now." I think I just left.

We're also having some sort of disconnect recently regarding my omnipotence. I admit, I feign it fairly well, however...she keeps asking me if I remember things that happened when I wasn't there. For example, in August she accompanied her father to England for the first time without me for a week long vacation with her grandparents. She keeps asking me if I remember things "we" did there, haha. I have to keep telling her, "no baby, Mommy wasn't there, so I can't remember things that happened there." She seems suspicious.