On goals

Sent back from school...I'm assuming they had the kids do this at the beginning of the year.

"My goal for 2nd grade is to listen because it is something I need to work on."

I'm uncertain she understands how progression toward goals works.

A school assignment...

I just took this out of her backpack:

"I show respect by helping out and playing with people who are sad and I am kind and I am loveable."

She forgot humble.

When I grow up...

"When I grow up I'm going to be a singer.  The reason why is because I like singing.  I like singing because they use microphones.  Also I want to be a scientist.  That is because I like chemistry."

Hannah, the singing chemist.

Scamming Santa

Hannah: Guess what?  I know what I'm going to ask for for Christmas!
Me: Christmas is kinda a ways off baby...
Tim: What are you going to ask for?
Hannah: Three thousand dollars!
Me: I'm pretty sure Santa just gives out toys, not cash.
Hannah: No, he gives out money.
Tim: How do you know that?
Hannah: Well, on Christmas morning, I was looking through a window into a house and I saw a kid who got money.
Me: Well how do you know it was from Santa?
Hannah: He was holding a note that said "To whoever, here's three thousand dollars.  From Santa"
Tim: Well who was it? 
Hannah: I don't know, I didn't know that kid.
Tim: Well it would have said on the note you saw...Santa wouldn't have said "To whoever"
Hannah: Yeah, I'm not sure, but that kid got three thousand dollars so that's what I'm asking for.

I'm so glad that she thinks a reasonable explanation of her crazy ideas comes from peeking through the windows of other people on Christmas morning to see what they got - and thinks that we wouldn't have noticed her absence during her stalking expedition.  We're in real trouble when her lies get better.

My new favorite thing...

...is evesdropping on Hannah playing with her friend Lucy...because they're both very...ummmm...creative.

Hannah: What about the trash dog's baby? It has a papercut right here.
Lucy: Yeah, but it's a trash dog, so it sounds like an old lady.
Hannah: It has a papercut though, like you have on your finger.
Lucy: If it was a splinter, my dad could pull it out.
Hannah: *in high pitched voice* Don't listen to the trash family! They just said your baby is weird. The trash family works for the queen and she said it's stupid!
Lucy: Oh isn't she very cute!
Hannah: *whispering* pretend he wants to be nice but he's grouchy.
Lucy: I am mister grouchy face!
Hannah: I see your wife mr. grouchy face! She looks kinda grouchy too!
Lucy: grouch grouch grouch!
Hannah: She sounds funny.
Lucy: Yeah, she can't talk like us.
Hannah: Why not?
Lucy: She got poisoned.

It should be noted that they were playing cards.