That's what Hannah said

My new favorite thing...

2012-01-02T18:20:00.002-05:00

...is evesdropping on Hannah playing with her friend Lucy...because they're both very...ummmm...creative.

Hannah: What about the trash dog's baby? It has a papercut right here.
Lucy: Yeah, but it's a trash dog, so it sounds like an old lady.
Hannah: It has a papercut though, like you have on your finger.
Lucy: If it was a splinter, my dad could pull it out.
Hannah: *in high pitched voice* Don't listen to the trash family! They just said your baby is weird. The trash family works for the queen and she said it's stupid!
Lucy: Oh isn't she very cute!
Hannah: *whispering* pretend he wants to be nice but he's grouchy.
Lucy: I am mister grouchy face!
Hannah: I see your wife mr. grouchy face! She looks kinda grouchy too!
Lucy: grouch grouch grouch!
Hannah: She sounds funny.
Lucy: Yeah, she can't talk like us.
Hannah: Why not?
Lucy: She got poisoned.

It should be noted that they were playing cards.

That does sound like a fun place...

2011-12-12T18:44:00.001-05:00

Overheard while Hannah and her friend Lucy were playing in the next room:

Lucy: Let's pretend we're werewolves!
Hannah: Ok! Want to go hang out at the werewolf club? They have TV and soccer games and kangaroo kickboxing!

What a state we're in...

2011-12-03T12:37:00.002-05:00

Me: "So what did you do at school today?"
Hannah: "ummm...we learned about liquids vs. solids."
Me: "Neat! So how might a liquid, like water, become solid?"
Hannah: "It would freeze!"
Me: "Right! And if it melted, what state would the water be in then?"
Hannah: "hmmm...Texas maybe?"

I like cold beverages

2011-08-22T12:37:00.003-04:00

Hannah: "Tim? What's a beverage?"
Tim: "It's another word for drink."
Hannah: "Oh."

A few minutes later...

Tim: "Did you finish your drink?"
Hannah: "Yup, I beveraged it all up!"

Remember when you weren't fat?

2011-08-18T09:53:00.001-04:00

Hannah: "Hey Mom? Remember when we used to live with Margaret?"
Me: "Yeah?"
Hannah: "I miss Margaret."
Me: "Me too; we'll have to visit her soon."
Hannah: "I remember when we lived with Margaret, and you were skinny."
Me: "When I was skinny? You mean I'm not skinny now?"
Hannah: "Well, you're not AS skinny."
Me: "Are you trying to tell me I'm getting fat?"
Hannah: "Only a little fatter. You're still mostly skinny but just a little bit fatter."

Well I guess that's something.

Soylent Green?

2011-08-18T09:32:00.002-04:00

Me: "Whatcha drawing?"
Hannah: "A machine"
Me: "Oh yeah? What kind of machine?"
Hannah: "It makes food so you won't have to go grocery shopping anymore!"
Me: "That's awesome! How does it make the food?"
Hannah: "Well, you put stuff in the top here, and then the food comes out of the bottom over here."
Me: "Oh? Well, what do you put in the top?"
Hannah: "Ingredients."
Me: "Well then I'd still need to shop for the ingredients!"
Hannah: "Wait! There will be no ingredients, only seeds!"
Me: "So all the food will grow from seeds in the machine?"
Hannah: "YES!"
Me: "What about foods that don't grow from seeds?"
Hannah: "What foods?"
Me: "Like bacon."
Hannah: "What does bacon come from?"
Me: "Pig meat."
Hannah: "No way!"
Me: "No really, seriously. It's made out of pig meat."
Hannah: *sigh* "Well, then I guess you'll just have to go shopping for seeds and pig meat."

A Hannah joke

2011-02-18T08:39:00.002-05:00

"Hey Mom, want to hear a trick question!?"
"I'd love to!"
"What's got 12 feet but only one hand?"
"I have no idea."
"A cyclops hand with 12 feet! hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha"
"I would never have guessed that! I hope he's friendly, cause a cyclops hand with 12 feet sounds a little scary to me."

Hannah immediately adopts an expression of concern, approaches me, and gently pats my arm.

"Don't worry Mama...it's only really a man in a costume."

She clearly thinks I'm very fragile.

Well shucks, thanks honey

2011-01-10T10:56:00.002-05:00

I was complaining a little yesterday that our washing machine caught a pair of my underwear up and stretched them out enough to be sumo wrestler thong and Hannah helpfully offered to give up a pair of her own.

Hannah: Awww, poor Mama! Do you want a pair of my princess underpants?! You can stretch them all out real big so they'll fit and I won't mind!

...

Double Jeopardy

2010-12-20T19:52:00.000-05:00

Alex Trebek: This Italian explorer was the first European to sail into New York harbor.

Hannah: DORA! Dora the Explorer! It was Dora the Explorer mom!

Answer: Verrazano

Me: Good try Hannah...you were very close, but I think Dora's Spanish.

An observation

2010-12-12T18:19:00.002-05:00

Hannah got a happy meal today...a rare occurrence...and inside was a transformers toy: Optimus Prime.

Hannah: Momma, I got Octopus Prime!
Me: That's great!
Hannah: Mom?
Me: Yes?
Hannah: Octopus Prime is a robot.
Me: Yup.
Hannah: Robots don't have a place to pee.
Me: Do you suppose that's a problem?
Hannah: No, silly, they're robots!
Me: Ok then.

Did anyone expect that she wouldn't be a smart ass?

2010-10-26T11:48:00.001-04:00

Me at the grocery store: "Hannah, please stay right with me."

Hannah proceeds to wander off while yelling, "Hey Mom, what are you looking for?!"

Me: "Hannah just stay with me please."

Hannah: "Is that what you're looking for Mom, some Hannah-just-stay-with me? Is that what you were looking for, huh?!"

It's already begun.

She didn't ask.

2010-10-04T10:35:00.002-04:00

Before entering Target, I told Hannah that if she asked for anything, she'd be getting nothing.

Hannah, immediately upon entering: "OHHH, Momma! Can I have...
Me: *glare*
Hannah: ...a hug?\
Me: surrrrre.
Hannah, casually: Hey Mom?
Me: Yeah.
Hannah: I sure to like that toy. I wish I could have it sometime but not right now but maybe later or something.

It's been a while...

2010-10-02T21:59:00.002-04:00

...she didn't stop being funny; life just caught up with us.

/end excuse.

At the grocery store, to reward her for her good behavior, I purchased for her her favorite candy: Sweedish Fish. Yeah, I don't get it, but whatever...I suppose there could be worse things. In the car on the way home:

"Mommy, thank you for buying me these Sweedish Fish."
"You're welcome baby...I thought you should have them because you were so good at the store!"
"You mean, I was..um...considering?"
"Pardon?"
"I was considering you, right?!"
"Yes, you were being very considerate, thank you!"
"Yes. I was. Also, you were considering me when you got me these Sweedish Fish."
"Yes, I suppose I was!"
"Here Mommy...this Sweedish Fish is your Sweedish fish for considering me. That was a good job!"

I ate it even though I don't really like them. I love her.

Thanks for the update

2010-03-02T09:08:00.001-05:00

3:30AM today: "Momma? Momma? Momma?"

"Yes?"

"See how long my hair is getting!? It's getting REALLLY LONG!"

"That's great baby, can you please go to sleep now?"

Points for using the word correctly

2010-01-26T14:35:00.003-05:00

This is actually from a few days ago, but I've been busy.

I arrived at preschool to Hannah's teacher pulling me aside and in hushed tones relating the following:

"While Hannah and another friend were in the bathroom, the other little girl had some trouble wiping and got some feces on her hand."
"Ok?"
"Hannah told her not to worry about it, that it was just shit."
"huh, well, at least she used it correctly. I mean, I never do that, so I'm not sure where she even heard it where it wasn't the result of injury or panic."

Upon reflection, boyfriend and I think it was probably when someone referenced cat or dog shit. We're not entirely sure.

Judge not, lest ye...

2010-01-12T13:31:00.002-05:00

Ok, so we got home kinda late last night and were rushing to get our stuff in the house and into bed. I send Hannah upstairs to get her pj's on. A few minutes later, I hear one of the worst things I've ever heard:

"Mamma? I don't have any more diapers."

I think to myself, ok, this just cannot be. There are like three emergency bags of items in this house, diaper bags, etc. I spend the next several minutes examining every nook and cranny and bag and storage container that had any potential. I finally realized that yes, it's 9:30pm, I've told Hannah we can have a slumber party in Mommy's bed, and she has absolutely no diapers. I can't go to the store at this hour and anyway, Hannah's naked and looking at me like I'm an alien.

I start combing through all my medical supplies when I come across a extra-super absorbancy menstrual pad that was likely given to me at the hospital when I had her. For half a second I'm thrilled, then suddenly horrified, then just unsure. Will this work? Will she know that I'm up to something?

"Hey Hannah, for tonight you can wear underpants with this kind of diaper and we'll go get you some more of your kind of diaper tomorrow!"
"I can wear underpants to bed!? Like a big girl!?"
"Yes, just for tonight, and we'll keep working on getting you up to use the potty at night so you can start wearing them all the time soon!"
"YES! I can't wait to tell all my friends at school tomorrow that I got to wear a special diaper that goes in my underpants!"
"Uh...uh...uh...well, um...well...uh...maybe we shouldn't tell your friends. They might feel bad that they didn't get to use one."
"Oh yeah, cause they're just little."
"Right-o."

On Goal Setting

2009-12-22T13:33:00.002-05:00

Yesterday afternoon, when picking Hannah up from preschool:

Me: Hey baby, how was your day today?
Hannah: Great! I didn't bite anyone or push anyone, or anything!
Me: Wonderful!

Maybe I set my own standards too high.

On tattoos....

2009-12-18T08:50:00.002-05:00

Hannah: Mamma, can I have a tattoo after my bath tonight?
Me: If you're good! What kind are you going to get? We have superman and spongebob.
Hannah: Hmmm, I think maybe spongebob...maybe Patrick!
Me: Ok, where are you going to get it?
Hannah: hmmm, maybe on my bum.
Me: No, I don't think so, you wouldn't be able to see it on your bum.
Hannah: hmmm, well maybe on my back then.
Me: *sigh* You won't be able to see it on your back either.
Hannah: I KNOW! I'LL GET TWO TATTOOS ON MY BUM!
Me: Ok, one tattoo only, and not on your bum. I shouldn't have to worry about bum tattoos for at least another 15-16 years.
Hannah: Huh? When I'm all grown up I can get a tattoo on my bum.
Me: Yeah, I suppose, if you really want to.
Hannah: I do!
Me: and what sort of tattoo do you think you'll be getting on your bum when you're all grown up?
Hannah: hmmm...I think maybe Spongebob...or BARBIE!
Me: uh-huh. You know grown up tattoos don't wash off. You'd be stuck with Barbie on your bum forever.
Hannah: Oh. That's ok, I think I'll just get a submarine maybe.

The budding reindeer expert

2009-12-17T08:14:00.002-05:00

Me: Hannah, it's only one week until Christmas Eve!
Hannah: I KNOW THAT!
Me: Oh, well alright then.
Hannah: And we'll make cookies for Santa, and leave carrots for the reindeer.
Me: Yup! Then when you wake up on Christmas morning, you can come wake us up and we'll go downstairs and see if Santa came!
Hannah: Yup, we'll go outside and check for tracks.
Me: What?
Hannah: We'll go outside and see if there are sleigh tracks and deer tracks.
Me: Well, I meant that we'd go see if Santa left you anything under the tree...that how we'll know if he came.
Hannah: Yeah, I KNOW that...that and the deer tracks.
Me: I'm pretty sure that Santa and the reindeer land on the roof...so we won't be able to see any tracks honey.
Hannah: No...they land on the lawn and go across it and then the reindeer jump really hard and pull the sleigh up to the roof. So we'll see those tracks.
Me: I think they just fly around and land on the roof.
Hannah: No, that's silly. Deer can't fly, they can just jump hard.

Misheard lyrics of a four year old.

2009-12-16T15:01:00.003-05:00

She's been singing in the car a lot lately...my favorites:

To the tune of "This is Halloween" from the Nightmare Before Christmas:

"This is celery, this is celery, CELERY, CELERY, CELERY!"

Me: Umm, sweetie, that's a great song there but they're actually saying, "this is Halloween".
Hannah: Halloween? Oh, cause it's a Halloween land.
Me: Yup!
Hannah: Well that's good, but in Celery land, they sing THIS IS CELERY! THIS IS CELERY!
Me: Sure, probably.

A few days later, while listening to "Have a Holly Jolly Christmas" in the car:

Hannah: Oh ho, the mistletoe, hung where you can see! Somebody waits for you! Wizard once for me!
Me: Kiss her.
Hannah: What!?
Me: He's saying, "Somebody waits for you, KISS HER once for me," not "wizard once for me"
Hannah: Oh, can you play it again?
Me: Sure.

A few seconds later...

Hannah: No, he's saying "wizard."
Me: That doesn't even make any sense.
Hannah: Like magic.
Me: fine.

The past tense of smelly

2009-12-11T09:36:00.002-05:00

This morning, while getting ready for school/work, Hannah was playing with her plastic dinosaur set. They were engaged in a battle and as one or another dinosaur was slain, it was put back into the box (my idea, rather brilliant). As the box began to fill up, I noticed Hannah sniff it and exclaim "eww, pee-youuuuu". Curious, I asked, "does something smell?"

"Yeah, all these dead dinosaurs!"
"They smell? Why do they smell?"
"Cause they're dead!"

Thinking this to be somewhat morbid for a four year old, I ask where she heard that something dead would be smelly.

"At school."
"They told you that dead dinosaurs smell bad at school?"
"Yeah, they're extinct!"

This takes me 3 or 4 seconds.

"Hannah, something being extinct doesn't mean it smells bad...it means there are no more of them left, that they're all dead."

"Oh...I thought the dead dinosaurs were stinky."

So I'm bad at blogging...

2009-10-21T11:41:00.002-04:00

...I'm busy hanging out with my ridiculously awesome kid, get over it!

Fun things that have happened lately, Hannah style:

July: Whilst purchasing a new car, Hannah waits in the waiting room with boyfriend and proceeds to launch a faux attack of biting on him in front of the rest of the waiting people. When asked what she was doing, she told him she was a deer. When pressed as to why a deer would be biting him, she announced loudly that it's the kind of deer that drinks blood, and not to worry, that soon she would put it back in him so he can be alive again.

Ahh, to be four.

More recently: A couple weeks ago, I checked on her in the bathtub and asked how things were going. She was busily playing with a set of floating penguins. She said everything is fine, and that the penguins are her family now. I think I said something along the lines of "oh?", to which she replied, solemnly, "yes, but they're all dead now." I think I just left.

We're also having some sort of disconnect recently regarding my omnipotence. I admit, I feign it fairly well, however...she keeps asking me if I remember things that happened when I wasn't there. For example, in August she accompanied her father to England for the first time without me for a week long vacation with her grandparents. She keeps asking me if I remember things "we" did there, haha. I have to keep telling her, "no baby, Mommy wasn't there, so I can't remember things that happened there." She seems suspicious.

hmm, I really like cheese and everything, but no.

2009-05-14T14:56:00.000-04:00

Hannah: Mom, what's cheese made out of?
Me: Milk, usually from cows, but goat cheese is made of goat's milk.
Hannah: Oh, and when you have a baby and the baby drinks your milk you can make it into cheese for babies and the babies can eat umm...ummm...human cheese, right?
Me: Well, babies don't eat cheese, and while you can probably make cheese from human milk, I'm unaware of anyone doing so.
Hannah: Why?
Me: I'm not sure really, but when you have a baby, they just want the milk and you don't really have extra to be making into cheese.
Hannah: Do boys have milk?
Me: Nope, only women make milk, with their breasts.
Hannah: and boys don't have breasts.
Me: Nope, just women.
Hannah: And women are Mommies.
Me: If they have children they're Mommies.
Hannah: and what if they don't have children?
Me: Then they're women, but not Mommies.
Hannah: So after they have children, women are Mommies.
Me: Well, they're still women, they're just women AND Mommies.
Hannah: What about Daddies?
Me: What about them? Boys become men, and if they have children, they're also called Daddies.
Hannah: But boys can't be Mommies.
Me: No, Mommies are women.
Hannah: and women can't be Daddies.
Me: No.
Hannah: because women have uteruseses and vaginas and men have penises but we both have urethras and bladders and bowels.
Me: Yes, you are absolutely correct.
*she pats me on the leg and smiles*
Hannah: This is your femur.
Me: Yes baby, I know.

To be a preschooler in the technology age

2009-04-16T09:31:00.001-04:00

On the phone with her dad last night:

"Daddy, you want me to tell you a story?"
"I would love a story!"
"I have stories about dinosaurs. What is your favorite kind of dinosaur?"
"The T-Rex!"
"Ok."

*several seconds go by*

Dad: "Well where's my story?"
"You have to be patient!"
"Ok!"

*several more seconds go by*

Dad: "Where's my story?"
"Daddy be patient! It's LOADING!"

An important note about space travel

2009-03-20T08:32:00.002-04:00

In the car on the way to work this morning:

"Mama?"
"Yes Hannah?"
"I know where stars come from!"
"You do?! Where?!"
"From outerrrr SPACE!"
"Yup! That's true!"

"I want to go to outer space sometime Mama."
"You do?"
"Yup, but I gotta wear those big special clothes."
"You mean a space suit?"
"Yup. But I'd only need a little one and you'd need a great big one."
"I suppose, haha."
"And we'd have to wear those big, big, round helmets."
"That's true!"
"And you have to wear them properly Mama, for HEALTH AND SAFETY!"

I'm glad she's on top of these things.

The Kid Interview - really from 3/16/09

2009-03-20T08:30:00.001-04:00

I saw this on facebook and thought it would be fun to try:

The Kid Interview

Sarah interviewing Hannah, Age 3:

1. What is something mom always says to you?
"No"

2. What makes mom happy?
"When you say yes and you do something safe"

3. What makes mom sad?
"When you get hurt"

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
"When you say funny stuff"

5. What was your mom like as a child?
"A big girl!"

6. How old is your mom?
"50!"

7. How tall is your mom?
"This tall" *arms raised above her head*

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
"Go to the fair and the circus...I like that very well also"

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?
"Stays still"

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
"Being hungry"

11. What is your mom really good at?
"You're very good at drawing"

12. What is your mom not very good at?
"Not a very good cleaner"

13. What does your mom do for her job?
"She puts on her clothes, then puts on her other stuff"

14. What is your mom's favorite food?
"Sandwiches and salad"

15. What makes you proud of your mom?
"When you play with stuff"

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
"Cinderella"

17. What do you and your mom do together?
"We do interviewing and cut on paper with scissors"

18. How are you and your mom the same?
"We have blue eyes together and the same mouth and the same nose and the same hair."

19. How are you and your mom different?
"We have different looking skin and you got a little bit of blonde and I have a little bit of brown"

20. Where is your mom's favorite place to go?
"The fair."

We each have our own rules

2009-01-30T20:13:00.001-05:00

Me: Hannah, it's very important that you ask before touching things that don't belong to you. Some of Mommy's things are special and I don't want them to get broken.
Hannah: Oh. Ok.

*runs to pick up a stuffed animal*

Hannah, eyebrows raised and very stern: You see this Mommy?
Me: Yes?
Hannah: Well you don't touch it! Don't EVER touch it! It's VERY FRAGILE!
Me: Ok, I'll be sure to ask before I touch it.
Hannah: Ok, because if you touch it without asking, I'll be very disappointed in you!
Me: Ok baby, I'll make sure to ask first.
Hannah: Ok, or we're NOT going to go to McDonalds and you CAN'T go on the climber.
Me: Understood.

Of genetalia, memory, and my lack of time machine

2009-01-16T13:59:00.005-05:00

In the car on the way home yesterday:

"Momma? I don't have a penis."
"Nope! Boys have a penis, and you're a girl!"
"I want to be a boy."
"Do you want to be a boy just because you want to have a penis?"
"hmmm, yeah."
"Well, girls have special parts too you know, they're just harder to see because they're inside of your body. You have a uterus where you can grow a baby when you're all grown up you know!"
"Yeah! I do! You do to and that's where I grew before I was born!"
"Yup!"
"And when I'm grown up, I can have a baby too!"
"Yup! If you want to!"
*pause*
"But I don't remember when I was a baby when I was born."
"No, people can't remember when they were born sweetie. I don't remember when I was born."
"Oh. Well, I want to see me come out when I was a baby."
"Sorry, I don't have any pictures of that."
"BUT I WANT TO! I DON'T WANT PICTURES, I just want to SEE IT!"
"Well, maybe someday you can see a baby being born."
"NO, I want to see ME being born."
"But you're already born, we can't go back and see it."
"But I WANT TO!"
"Well I'm sorry, I'm afraid we have no way to do that."
"Oh. Well when you're a baby I'll see you be born then I think."
"No honey, people only grow and get older, not younger."
"hrmph"

Overheard while Hannah plays in the bath...

2009-01-07T18:48:00.003-05:00

"Come here penguins! What do you think you are doing!? GET BACK HERE YOU FOOLS!"

*pause*

"Get down there you fools, you are IN MY WAY!"

*pause*

"HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH! I've GOT YOU!"

"Ok, ok, I was trying to stop you guys, but you can go. I can be friendly."

Kids are creeeeeeeeeeepy

2008-12-16T20:58:00.002-05:00

Hannah, as I was writing something on the calendar: Momma! JUST WHAT do you think you are DOING!?

Me: That's not how you talk to me.

Hannah: WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING MAMMA!?

Me: Hannah, stop yelling, and stop talking to me like that...it's very rude.

Hannah: Oh. Sorry. *very sweetly, while smiling* Oh Mommy? Just what do you think you are doing?

Me: *sigh* I'm writing on the calendar. Go play on the computer or something weirdo.

Future Female President

2008-11-26T14:57:00.003-05:00

Hannah: Mommy, who's that?
Me: Who's who?
Hannah: That on the TV.
Me: Oh that's Nancy Pelosi...she's the Speaker of the House.
Hannah: Is she a semator?
Me: No, she's a congresswoman...she's in the house of representatives...it's kinda like a Senator though.
Hannah: Oh. I think she's nice.
Me: Yeah, she's pretty cool.
Hannah: And who's that guy?
Me: That's Barney Frank, he's a congressman from Massachusetts.
Hannah: Is he a nice guy?
Me: Yeah, he's pretty nice.
Hannah: But not John McCain, he's naughty.

It's all true, what you say

2008-11-20T10:55:00.002-05:00

Hannah has been practicing pluralization lately, well, that and rhyming. Anyway, she's been practicing the plurals of words where the plural isn't just adding an "s" at the end. So she'll say, "Mama! There's one mouse, and two mice! There's one goose, or two geese!" She's doing quite well, if I do say so myself.

The other day, in the car, she pipes up from the backseat with, "Mama! There's one child or two chi-chi-chi....children!" I was very impressed, and told her such. Then came, "And sometimes children are called honeys! One honey, or two honeys!"

I didn't tell her that there was once a time when I was occasionally referred to as "a honey"...it didn't seem relevant.

A letter to Daddy

2008-11-11T18:56:00.002-05:00

Dear Daddy,

I love you Daddy Too! I want a hug please! Can I have kisses please!? I miss you so much! I love you more than rabbits! I love rabbits! Please can I play with you? May I have exercises with you when you get home?

I want to tell you a story about a hat. I love hats. It's about a girl with a hat on her. One day the hat falls in the river. Then one day, she went in, swim, swim, swim, swim, swim, swim, swim, and got the hat and put it back on her head! Then one day, she fell in the river, then she climbed back on the porch. Then one day, the porch broke in pieces! Then the broken pieces fell in the river! Then a flower growed and growed and growed and growed! Then the flower fell apart in pieces and looked very beautiful! Then the sun and the moon fell down into the river in pieces! That's the end.

Love, Hannah

Ways to keep guests from leaving (or ever coming back)

2008-10-28T21:47:00.001-04:00

Joy was about to head home for the evening as Hannah was going to bed.

Hannah: I don't want you to go, I'll miss you!
Joy: I'll miss you too, but I'll come again sometime!
Hannah: But, but, you can't go!
Joy: I have to go, but we'll visit again soon!
Hannah: I think you can't go because your house is on fire.

*sigh*

Ideas for new pizza toppings

2008-10-28T21:45:00.002-04:00

Joy, Hannah, and I went out for Greek pizza. Mid slice, Hannah asks what is on it.

Me: Oh, well, it has Feta cheese, scallions, dill, mozzarella cheese, and olive oil!
Hannah: And pickles!
Me: Pickles? No, no pickles...
Hannah: Lotsarelish cheese is my favorite!

Which one of us is the mom here?

2008-10-27T14:02:00.000-04:00

Hannah: Mommy? What are you doing?
Me: Looking for my brown pants.
Hannah: Your brown pants?
Me: Yes, I washed them yesterday, and now I can't find them.
Hannah: hmmm, and you want to wear them to your work?
Me: Yes, but I don't know where they are.
Hannah: You can't find them?
Me: Nope...but they have to be around here somewhere!
Hannah: Oh. Well, I guess you'll just have to wear something else.

You and me both kiddo

2008-10-23T08:51:00.000-04:00

"Mama? I think there's something wrong with you."

Overheard on the baby monitor

2008-10-22T20:54:00.001-04:00

"Hey bear! Why are you kicking yourself? Why are you kicking yourself? Are you mad at yourself? Are you? Are you mad at yourself? Why are you kicking yourself?"

This went on for at least 15 minutes. I'm a bad mother.

Oh sugah!

2008-10-22T08:32:00.002-04:00

My kid is sounding more like an old southern woman by the day...I have no idea why. At a restaurant the other night, we were eating dinner and this kid at the table next to us dropped his cookie on the floor and it broke. Hannah perked up, made a swatting motion with her hand and loudly declared at the boy, "Don't worry honey, that happens sometimes!"

His mom and I just about lost it.

Daddy Letter #2

2008-10-22T08:28:00.001-04:00

Dear Daddy,

I love you Daddy. I went to the Aquarium. I sawed seals! I saw penguins! I sawed jellyfish! I sawed Myrtle the Turtle! I sawed a ray! I ride on the train - I ride on the orange train and then the blue train!

I want to tell you a story about aquariums. One day, there was an aquarium. One day something happened to this balloon and then the sun camed out and that's the story. Was that a good story?

Love,

Hannah

*She drew a picture of a blue balloon on this one.

Hannah's first letter to her dad

2008-10-17T13:04:00.002-04:00

Hannah's dad started basic training a couple of weeks ago. Below is a transcript of her first letter to him, haha.

"Dear Daddy,

I love you Daddy. Today I went to the mall and I rode on a spaceship. I got my hair cut. I made fall decorations with Mommy. I want to tell you a story about a monster. Once upon a time there was an old monster and she said "Rarrrr!" Then she knocked on the door and there was a ladybug with a flower on her. That's the story. There are no more stories left.

Love, Hannah"

She traced a picture of a brontosaurus on the bottom.

ohhhh, it's new

2008-09-30T20:12:00.000-04:00

Hannah: "Hey Mommy...you know what my favorite kind of dinosaur is?"
Me: "No, what?"
Hannah: "A lion."
Me: "haha, well, a lion isn't a dinosaur sweetie."
Hannah: "Oh yeah? Well, you know what my favorite kind of dinosaur is?"
Me: "No, what is it?"
Hannah: "My favorite kind of dinosaur is a new kind of dinosaur and it's called a lion dinosaur."

Yeah, that's about right

2008-09-17T09:57:00.002-04:00

"Hey Mama, watch this!"

Hannah proceeds to do some crazy baby pseudo break-dance move, then stands back up, beaming.

"Can you do that?"

"Nope, I'm afraid Mommy just can't do that honey, haha."

"Oh. Cause you're old?"

"Yup."

I've never felt so bad about a fly

2008-09-11T10:29:00.002-04:00

Hannah just came into my office with her hands held out and a small dead housefly displayed:

Hannah: Mommy? This fly got a little bit hurt on his wings.
Me: Yes, he did. That's too bad, but I think maybe we should go put him in the trashcan.
Hannah: Oh...yeah. That's cause he got a little bit dead, huh?
Me: Yeah...that happens sometimes. Flies don't live very long like people do.

Hannah brings him out to the kitchen and pauses in front of the trashcan.

Hannah: Mommy? I don't think this fly wants to go in the trashcan. I think he wants to go to his home.
Me: Yeah...ok baby, let's put him outside.

I still think the moon follows me

2008-08-24T21:01:00.001-04:00

On the ride home from a friend's house tonight:

"Mommy...why are the stars all driving with us?"

And that's the way we do it.

2008-08-22T11:44:00.002-04:00

Me: Hannah, you're my favorite girl.
Hannah: I am!? You're my favorite girl too Mama.
Me: Yeah? Well I think you're the bees knees.
Hannah: hahaha, I am the bees knees, you're right! And I think YOU are the cat's pajamas!
Me: Oh yeah? Well, I think YOU are one coooool cat!
Hannah: Oh yeah!? You do!? Well I think YOUUUU are one coool BEE!

This just in: You needn't fear the sharks

2008-08-13T12:40:00.001-04:00

Hannah and her Dad were playing a game in which his bed was a boat and there were sharks about. They were jumping up and down and protecting one another from the shark invasion. Her Dad got a little too into it for her tastes and was "panicking" a bit too much...yelling and whatnot. When he fell on to the bed, Hannah crawled over to him and put her hands on each of his cheeks and stared into his eyes:

"Daddy! Listen to my words! The. Sharks. Are. Friendly!"

At least she didn't slap him!

On growing up...

2008-08-02T17:11:00.002-04:00

Me: Hey Hannah, I think these sneakers are getting a little small...we better put the bigger ones on now.
Hannah: Yeah! Those sneakers are for BABIES! I'm getting bigger and I'm going to be a big girl and be all grown up and have big feet and then I can chew gum!
Me: Gum? Yeah, I guess...
Hannah: Yup, and I'll be a big sister!
Me: You think so eh? You'll be a big sister? Would you like that?
Hannah: Yup! I'll have a little brother and sister...but I'll carry them around.
Me: You'll carry them around you think? Well, that can be pretty hard work.
Hannah: I'll take care of them Mama, I'll be careful.

:)

Mission Dirty Hippy nearing completion

2008-07-16T15:26:00.002-04:00

Hannah's Dad was wearing his Army uniform yesterday upon return from drill. Hannah looked him over...

Hannah: Why you wearing new clothes?
Hannah's Dad: These are for Daddy's new job!
Hannah: Oh.

A few seconds of staring goes by.

Hannah: I don't like those clothes.
Hannah's Dad: Oh? Why not?
Hannah: hmm...they're too fancy.
Hannah's Dad: haha, you think my clothes are too fancy?
Hannah: Yeah...they're too fancy I think a little bit.

Quotes from the zoo

2008-07-09T08:41:00.003-04:00

"Let's go see another animal"
"Let's go see another animal"
"Let's go see another animal"
"Let's go see another animal"
"I want you to pick me up"
"Let's go see another animal"
"Let's go see another animal"
"I'm tired"
"Let's go see another animal"
"I want to ride on that train"
Once on the train ride, she cries until they stop it, then she continues to cry for a couple minutes while repeating that she doesn't like that train ride.

That night, as I tucked her into bed, I asked her what her favorite part of the zoo was.

"That train ride was my favorite, maybe we can go again tomorrow."

Well...you thought wrong, monkey

2008-06-24T08:59:00.002-04:00

On the way home yesterday:

Hannah: I'm hungry
Me: Well, what do you want for dinner?
Hannah: ummm, I think I want cheese
Me: Sorry baby, we don't have any cheese. What else would you like?
Hannah: But I thought we did have cheese.
Me: Well, we don't!
Hannah: But I thought we did I said.
Me: I'll get some next time I go shopping. Do you want a sandwich?
Hannah: I think we have some cheese.
Me: Nope. No cheese.
Hannah: Oh. ummm...I thought we did.
Me: I'm never feeding you again.
Hannah: But I want some food!
Me: Well what do you want then!?
Hannah: ummm, I don't think we have any cheese. We need to get some at the store.
Me: Yup.
Hannah: Can I have a tomato?
Me: Sure.

We have to stop calling her these things

2008-06-07T07:05:00.002-04:00

In the bath:

Hannah: Look mama, I'm a scuba diver! *she puts a finger up next to her head like a snorkel*
Me: Wow, are you scuba diving or are you snorkeling!?
Hannah: *brow furrows* I'm uhhh, uhhhh....
Me: Do you know what a snorkel is?
Hannah: ....
Me: Can you say snorkel?
Hannah: *pause* Can you say precocious mama? Say precocious first!

Well...thanks....

2008-06-06T08:10:00.003-04:00

Last night, after finishing dinner out at the picnic table, I asked Hannah if she wanted to play outside for a while.

Hannah: Yeah...I'll play in my sandbox for aWHILE.
Me: Ok!
Hannah: What are you gonna do Mama?
Me: I'm not sure yet.
Hannah: Oh! Hmmmm...well...hmmm....you can mow the lawn if you want to!
Me: *sigh* Yeah...ok.

She's a mean chef

2008-06-05T21:42:00.002-04:00

Hannah: Here Mama, I made you dinner
Me: Oh good, what is it?!
Hannah: It's some slime!
Me: But...I don't want to eat slime.
Hannah: Oh, well, it's slime and it'll hurt your teeth cause it's sugary!
Me: But I don't want to eat slime or have hurt teeth!
Hannah: *thinking* then: Ohhhh...well it's, hmmm, it's *big grin* it's CHICKEN NUGGETS!
Me: Oh, I love chicken nuggets!

Make believe eating progresses under Hannah's watchful, three year and two month old eyes.

Hannah: Do you like it?
Me: Yes, it's very yummy!
Hannah: Oh...well it was just slime.

I feel your pain

2008-05-29T12:06:00.001-04:00

After a long day of running around Portland, Hannah was being strapped into her carseat.

Hannah: "I have a problem."
The Boy: "Oh? What's that?"
Hannah: "My problem is called tired."

It runs in the family kiddo.

I may have misheard her...

2008-05-21T19:10:00.001-04:00

...but I swear Hannah just told me that one of her toy penguins is named "Coldtrain".

Hannah is growing into an old Southern woman

2008-05-15T21:04:00.002-04:00

Overheard while Hannah played in the sandbox.

"Oh are you my child? Are you my baby child? You are just a baby child and I am your mama! Don't worry baby child, I got you. You're safe with me."

30 seconds later...

"Momma! Momma, you're in a cage! Look out for the shark Mama! Don't worry, Hannah has you, I'm your child!"

It should be noted that she was playing with matchbox cars and a bucket.

Hannah had a good birthday

2008-04-15T21:30:00.001-04:00

Hannah turned 3 on Monday, though she claims she turned 14. She also says her preschool teacher is only 2, like me.

My favorite part of her description of her birthday, after the ride on her new tricycle, her presents, her birthday song, her card, her meal at Bugaboo Creek with the talking animals while she wore her princess dress, hat, and slippers was, "I went to Bugaboo Creep and ate ice cream!"

Right on kiddo, we know what's important!

Big girl underpants

2008-03-20T11:30:00.001-04:00

Hannah is trying out underpants during specific time periods in an effort to move along her potty training. Yesterday, I took her to Target to pick out some because those that I had for her were now too small. We discussed this yesterday morning:

Hannah: I want to wear underpants.
Mom: I know baby, but the ones we have are too small. We'll go to the store later and you can pick out some new underpants all by yourself!
Hannah: Those underpants are too small! Those are for babies!
Mom: Yup! We need to get you some big girl underpants!
Hannah: Yeah. Those underpants are too small for my bottom.
Mom: haha, yes they are.
Hannah: I need bigger underpants for my bottom. My bottom is big like yours!

I could take this as an insult, but I'm choosing to take it as a compliment that she thinks I could fit into size 6T underwear.

Lunch at Daddy's

2008-03-09T13:13:00.002-04:00

Hannah's dad just sent me this:

Hannah's eating her lunch;

Hannah - "Daddy! There's no ham in this sammich!"
Me - "That's because you ate it already"
Hannah - "Yeah I did!"
Hannah laughs maniacally
Hannah - "That was funny!"

A minute later;

Hannah - "Daddy, look! There's no ham in this piece of sammich! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

Your child is a fruit cake.

And I thought I was in a good mood today.

2008-03-01T09:39:00.000-05:00

Me: Are you drawing a picture of me?
Hannah: Yeah *scribble scribble* there!
Me: Well that doesn't look very much like me.
Hannah: It's your hair!
Me: Oh! Well are you going to draw the rest of me?
Hannah: Yeah...here are your eyes *dot dot*...see, you look grouchy.
Me: Why do I look grouchy?
Hannah: Cause you arrrre grouchy.
Me: You think I'm grouchy?
Hannah: Yeah.

/shrug

101 Foundations

2008-02-20T13:09:00.002-05:00

This morning, as Hannah watched me put on makeup:

Hannah: What's that called?
Me: This is makeup.
Hannah: No, what kind is it, what's it called?
Me: Oh! Well it's foundation.
Hannah: Oh...ohhhh...like the doggies!
Me: What?
Hannah: It's like the doggies makeup!
Me: What doggies?
Hannah: All the doggies with the puppies makups!
Me: OH! Nonono, this is *foundation*, not *dalmations*. DALmations are dogs, FOUNDation is makeup.
Hannah: haha, foundations go woof woof!

I know I've been slacking, but now there is a Dragon Epidemic

2008-02-14T08:50:00.003-05:00

In the car on the way to work this morning:

Hannah: Daddy, I fought a dragon!
Hannah's Daddy: Oh really!?
Hannah: Yeah, and I beat him and was in his mouth!
Hannah's Daddy: Well how did you beat him if you were in his mouth? That doesn't sound like a good way to win!
Hannah: Yeah, well, I grabbed his tongue and pulled on it and MESSED HIM UP!

My kid is the awesomest and she's not even three yet.

I know I've gained a few pounds, but have mercy.

2008-01-29T09:30:00.000-05:00

"Come on Hannah, it's time to get dressed."
"I don't want to wear clothes, I want to wear pajamas"
"Well we don't wear pajamas to school...come get dressed."
"I don't want to wear jeans today."
"Well what do you want to wear?"
"ummmm...hmmm...I want to wear Mommy's clothes"
"Mommy's clothes don't fit you, they're too big."
"You're too big?"
"*sigh* Yes, I suppose, but I'm working on it."
"You're a big girl!"
"Thanks sweetie."

Things you didn't know about Cinderella

2008-01-28T08:49:00.001-05:00

Hannah has a scratch on her nose. It started out small, but she keeps scratching it. I've tried keeping her fingernails clipped and telling her to leave it alone, but no luck. So, this morning, I broke down and acquieced to her demand for a bandaid. She now has a lovely hello kitty bandaid across the bridge of her nose.

"Mama! You got this kitty bandaid for me!?"
"Yes, now leave it alone."
"I have a bandaid, just like a princess!"
"What princess has a bandaid?"
"Cinderella has a bandaid?"
"She does? I don't think I've ever seen that...when does she wear a bandaid?"
*pause*
"Sometimes!"

False accusations

2008-01-25T08:22:00.000-05:00

I sat down next to Hannah on the couch this morning and bumped her.

Hannah: "Mama! You kicked me!"
Me: "No I didn't...kicking is when someone hits you with their foot."
Hannah: *thinking* "oh...you kicked me with your bum!"

Quote for January 24th

2008-01-25T08:18:00.000-05:00

When I was putting Hannah to bed last night, I said, "Sweet dreams!" which is something I don't normally say.

Hannah: "What?"
Me: "I said, Sweet Dreams baby!"
Hannah: "What sweet dreams?"
Me: "That means that I hope you have good dreams when you sleep."
Hannah: "Why?"
Me: "Because it's nice to have good dreams."
Hannah: "oh......why?"
Me: "Go to sleep Hannah"
Hannah: "Ok mama, sweep dreams!"

I'm slacking...

2008-01-24T09:59:00.000-05:00

...but it is, in a large part, because Hannah's been hanging out with her dad and grandparents and I haven't gotten many good quotes lately. So, I'll add a few that will have to count as a sampling of the last week...

1. "Mommy! It's 7:30?" "yes baby" "It's time for Jeopardy!?" "it sure is!" "oh! It's quiet time?!"

2. "Mommy! Jeopardy is all done?" "yup!" "YAY! IT'S TALKING TIME!!!"

3. "Mommy, I'm a silly piggy. hahhaa, no I'm not, I was teasing you! I'm just an owl! WHOO-WHOO!"

4. "That snow's not pretty! It's dirty! It's yucky! Don't put that in your mouth, it makes Hannah's sick!"

5. "Mommy! Those friends are cannibals!" *She was watching toy story and some of the toys were referred to as "cannibals", but it took me a minute to figure out what she was talking about, haha.

Grocery shopping is such a joy...

2008-01-16T08:57:00.000-05:00

I informed Hannah that we will be going to the grocery store this evening after she get done at school. The grocery store is apparently akin to Disney World in the mind of a 2 year old, so she's very excited.

Hannah: We'll go to the grocery store, and I'll ride in a green car, and have a cookie!?
Me: Yup! And we'll buy lots of fruit, and vegetables, and milk!
Hannah: And we'll go see the MOBSTERS!!!
Me: Yes, of course.

Mobsters are lobsters. We are from Maine after all, so it's entirely possible that the lobsters are actually running everything from behind the scenes. Nothing would surprise me at this point.

Retroactive funny

2008-01-16T08:54:00.000-05:00

Tuesday's quote comes from Hannah's dad. He told her that her grandmother and grandfather from England will be coming to see her (this weekend actually).

Dad: Gramma and Grampa are coming all the way from England to see you!
Hannah: I want to go to England! *pause* I want to go to England to see Santa and the reindeer!

We've clearly had a miscommunication somewhere.

Your guess is as good as mine

2008-01-14T18:40:00.000-05:00

On the way home from daycare, while trying to plan dinner:

Me: So Hannah, what did you have for lunch today?
Hannah: hmmmm....hmmmm....hmmm...
Hannah's Daddy: Do you remember what you ate before your nap?
Hannah: hmmmm...maybe...maybe...hmmm...maybeeeeee cereal?
Hannah's Daddy: I think that's what you had for breakfast, do you remember what you ate for lunch?
Hannah: maybe...hmmm....maybe cheese?

Something on your mind darling?

2008-01-13T20:53:00.000-05:00

Hannah was evidently contemplating when I called this evening:

Hannah: Mama?
Me: Hi baby! What are you doing?
Hannah: Brett has a peanut (Brett is one of her little friends from preschool).
Me: *pause* Do you mean a penis?
Hannah: NOO, a PEANUT!
Me: Oh! Well that's ok, right?
Hannah: hmmm...sure.

She didn't sound particularly certain.

Saturday's quote!

2008-01-13T19:02:00.000-05:00

Hannah's at her Dad's this weekend. During one of our phone calls yesterday, she decided to gather some information to determine whether or not I had a reasonable excuse for my absence.

"Mama? What did you do today?"
"Well, I've been busy cleaning."
"Did you have a meeting? Did you visit FRIENDS?!"
"Well, no, not really, I've just been cleaning."
"Oh. You will come visit me later."
"I'll come visit you on Monday! I'll come pick you up and give you a ride to school!"
"Oh. *pause* I want cookies."

She's learning guilt-blackmail I see.

Going from yesterday...

2008-01-11T14:32:00.000-05:00

On the way to preschool this morning, I declared that I love her more than Yellow.

Hannah: I love you more than GREEN!
Me: Oh! Well I really love Green too!
Hannah: No! I like green!
Me: Oh! Well alright then. Hey Hannah?
Hannah: *grunt*
Me: I love you Hannah!
Hannah: NO! I'M GREEN!

I'm not sure which of us is more confused.

And she really likes bread, too.

2008-01-10T09:47:00.000-05:00

"Mama, I love you more than bread!"

She likes me ok...

2008-01-09T08:20:00.000-05:00

I was getting Hannah dressed this morning when she looked up at me, smiled sweetly, and put her hand on my face and said, "Mummy, you're my nice girl."

That was nearly too much to take on a crazy morning.

Quote for January 8th...

2008-01-09T08:18:00.000-05:00

"Mummy, I'm runnin!"
"Mummy, I'm runnin!"
"Mummy, I'm runnin!"
*crash*
"Mummy, I fell down, didn't I!?"
"Don't worry Mummy, I'm ok, I'm ok, silly Hannah...I don't need a bandaid!"

Yesterday's quote

2008-01-08T08:51:00.000-05:00

Hannah was not in the mood to go to bed last night. I convinced her that she must go to bed because her new stuffed Shrek doll was waiting for her upstairs and he was lonely. She proceeded to climb the stairs calling out, "I'm coming Shrek! I'm coming! Don't worry Shrek, wait for me! It will be ok!" I felt a little bad, but it was funny.

When we got to her room she climbed into bed and hugged him and said, "Don't worry Shrek, I'm here now" and then patted him on the belly and quietly whispered, "I'm so proud of you Shrek."

I may die of cute overload one of these days.

Let's try a new movie...

2008-01-06T07:59:00.000-05:00

So Hannah asked if she could watch my dvd of The Last Unicorn that I received for Christmas. I think it *may* be a little scary at times, but no worse than the other Disney movies she likes and certainly less violent than some. Anyway, I was putting it into the DVD player...

Me: Ok, you can watch this, but if it gets too scary, you tell mommy and we'll watch something else, ok?
Hannah: It's not too scary mommy!
Me: Well if it GETS too scary, just tell me ok?
Hannah: Ok mommy. *she pauses to consider for a moment, then looks up at me and pats my leg* Let's not have it be scary Mamma, let's have it just be beautiful, ok?

She kills me sometimes.

Hands are tricky

2008-01-05T08:59:00.000-05:00

Hannah had just announced that she was done with her oatmeal. I took her bowl away and was wetting a washcloth at the sink.

Hannah: "What are you doing Mama?"
Me: "I'm getting a washcloth wet so I can wash your hands."

Hannah puts one of her hands in front of her face and scowls at it. She points at it, then begins poking it with her other hand like a drill sergeant and says, "Hey! Hand! I just cleaned you didn't I?!" After examining it further and finding more oatmeal between her fingers, she states, "You're all sticky! That's naughty!"

*sigh* This isn't some sequel to that Alfred Hitchcock story I hope.

The sunrise was pink

2008-01-04T11:04:00.000-05:00

Hannah: "Mama! Look at the pink!"
Me: "Yes, it's the sunrise Hannah...sometimes it turns the sky pink!"
Hannah: "Ohhhh, it's pretty"

*a few minutes later*

Hannah: "Mama! The sky is yellow! Where is the pink?"
Me: "Well, the sky changes colors as the sun rises...now it's yellow because it's closer to day!"
Hannah: "Ohhh, that's because the world has all of the colors, right Mama?"

Backtracking - January 3rd, 2008

2008-01-04T11:02:00.000-05:00

I was tucking Hannah into bed and accidentally poked her in the eye.

Hannah: "Mama! You poked my eye!"
Me: "Oh! Are you ok?"
Hannah: "Yeah...I'm ok. *pause* You need to say sorry to me!"
Me: "Oh! I'm sorry baby!"
Hannah: "That's ok Mama, I'm ok. *pause* Good job Mama!"
Me: "Good job for what?"
Hannah: "Good job for saying sorry to me!"

She's working on my manners.

Backtracking - January 2nd, 2008

2008-01-04T11:00:00.000-05:00

Driving home -

Hannah: "Mama! Look out! There's a car chasing us!"
Me: "Oh no! I'm terribly frightened!"
Hannah: "Oh don't worry Mama, it's just a car! You're safe with me! It's ok, it's ok Mama!"

She's my protector.

Backtracking - January 1st, 2008

2008-01-04T10:57:00.000-05:00

Hannah was at her dads...I called her on the phone:

Hannah: "Hi Mama! I went to Old McDonalds and I went down the slide!"
Me: "Oh good! Did you have a fun time?"
Hannah: "Yup, bye. Here you go Daddy!"

Short and sweet and to the point I guess.

The name of the blog says it all

2008-01-04T10:49:00.000-05:00

I can't keep track of all the funny crap my kid says, so this blog is for funny quotes. I'll try to get one for every day, but that seems like pushing it - I'm a busy girl.